Gently Bummed

Well shit. Last night, the Washington Wizards lost the second game of their best-of-seven playoff series against the Boston Celtics. The Wizards are my favorite team, and now it’s looking like their season is going to end soon. It was a bummer. They had an open shot at the buzzer to win it, but they missed it, and they lost. Waaah. Booo. I was sad.

And this morning, I woke up upset with myself. I was upset that I was bummed. Why was my mood so affected by something that feels juvenile and silly and inconsequential and creates tension in my house? By something that I have absolutely no control over?

I was feeling that I didn’t have the right to be sad. I was angry at myself for not being over it yet. I realized that I was being incredibly hard on myself. I needed to be gentler.

I started telling myself that it’s OK to feel sad. It’s OK to feel angry, and it’s OK to make mistakes. I’m allowed to move in the world and be sad at the same time. I can do creative work and be a little bummed out. My favorite team lost a game, and as unimportant in the grand scheme of things as that is, it hurt. And I am absolutely 100% allowed to be upset by small things.

We need to allow ourselves to feel what we feel so we can move through it. Otherwise we fight against and stay stuck in the feeling for too long. That’s how I woke up this morning, but once I allowed myself to be upset about a basketball game, I started feeling better. I’m allowed to be childish, and I’m allowed to be silly.

I’d much rather be sad and forgiving than mad at myself. I want to be gentle with myself so today I am choosing to still feel bummed, but gently so. I am gently bummed, and that is OK.