Working Gently

It’s easy to dream up grand, gigantic plans for Wide Open Games. I tell myself it would be great to make 4 polished and playful games, 3 heart-melting essays, 2 eye-opening poems, and 1 down-to-earth podcast for each issue. I tell myself that’s what would get people to subscribe and make Wide Open Games a success. I tell myself that this vision is achievable and necessary.

In reality, I’m setting myself up for failure with unrealistic expectations.

I live with chronic tension headaches, and I often need to stop whatever I’m doing, take my meds, put on my hypnosis recording, and rest. It’s not possible for me to work non-stop, and as hard as it is for me to accept this truth, there’s only so much I can do in a day, a week, a month.

a looped gif of small waves on the ocean

So in envisioning Wide Open Games, I’m trying to stay focused on the process. I make games. I write words. I draw pictures. Some weeks I make a lot of those things, and other weeks I don’t. Both scenarios are true, and both are OK. I will work hard and deeply for Wide Open Games, but I will not work tirelessly, and I will not break myself for it. W.O.G. is not an angel-funded tech startup- it is simply the result of my artistic practice. It is the result of a pattern of taking action when I can, not action in service of fulfilling a giant external promise.

I can talk a big game and stress out about infinite money, page views, and collaborators, but what I really want is to be honest. I can spend energy on maintaining a sunny digital persona with no illness or setbacks and unlimited productivity, but that’s not in the spirit of Wide Open Games.

All you are getting with Wide Open Games is myself, and I promise to strive to bring myself as honestly as I can to Wide Open Games. Sometimes this means you’ll see fully polished brilliance, and sometimes it means unfinished scraps and starts. It means you are getting my best effort – nothing less, but also nothing more.